cronkite.
Friday, July 17, 2009
walter cronkite died today. he was 92. i cannot for the life of me imagine living to be 92. it’s such a long time, but really, it’s not. i’m already almost 42. just about a month and i’ll be 42. i remember when my dad was 42. i thought he was so old. i was 15. i couldn’t imagine myself living past the age of 25, let alone ever being 42. and now, here i am. but when my dad was 42, he had career, a wife, two kids, a house, two cars... three cars really, if you counted my mom’s car. he had investments and a healthy savings. he owned his own business. he was a success.
i, on the other hand, am still living in a shitty apartment in the middle of the ghetto. i have no one in my life. i have no savings, and in fact am still borrowing money from my parents every month to make my bills. i am decidedly not a success.
i am a fat, disgusting, foul human being who is just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
i wonder, sometimes, when things are going to turn around. when i’ll find somewhere safe to live (and believe me, i’m looking). when i will be able to stop living paycheck to paycheck. when i will feel safe in my home. when i will feel ok in my own skin. when i will have someone to share my life with. when bad things will stop happening.
of course, i don’t expect any of those things to happen. i know better than to hope.
people are leaving for the land. they are blogging about their packing and their journeys. it stings. it more than stings, it hurts deeply... but what can i do. i wish i could be going with them. i feel safe on the land. i feel ok in my skin. and for the most part, bad things do not happen there.
and to top it all off, sandra’s on vacation, again... so again, i feel completely disconnected and alone.
i don’t know, i’m rambling. i’ll stop.
i, on the other hand, am still living in a shitty apartment in the middle of the ghetto. i have no one in my life. i have no savings, and in fact am still borrowing money from my parents every month to make my bills. i am decidedly not a success.
i am a fat, disgusting, foul human being who is just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
i wonder, sometimes, when things are going to turn around. when i’ll find somewhere safe to live (and believe me, i’m looking). when i will be able to stop living paycheck to paycheck. when i will feel safe in my home. when i will feel ok in my own skin. when i will have someone to share my life with. when bad things will stop happening.
of course, i don’t expect any of those things to happen. i know better than to hope.
people are leaving for the land. they are blogging about their packing and their journeys. it stings. it more than stings, it hurts deeply... but what can i do. i wish i could be going with them. i feel safe on the land. i feel ok in my skin. and for the most part, bad things do not happen there.
and to top it all off, sandra’s on vacation, again... so again, i feel completely disconnected and alone.
i don’t know, i’m rambling. i’ll stop.
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