media.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
at sandra’s suggestion, after i called her last night totally hysterical and freaked out because i woke from a nap to a dead quiet apartment and had a moment where, before i was fully awake, thought that i was the only person left on the planet and that there was no one else i would ever be able to talk to, i went out last night and bought a new tv.
she said i need the distraction right now, which i do. the landlord had bars installed on two of the windows in the back of the apartment, so at least i can leave them open to get some air and ventilation in here. the bars are on the inside of my bedroom window, and it feels like sleeping in a jail.
bars in kitchen
bars in bedroom (this is the window they came in through)
i’m terrified that the people down the street who saw me carrying the large box into the house are connected somehow to the robbery, and that they will tell the burglars that i have replaced my television, and that they will come back. i’m terrified that they will be pissed off about the bars and break a window or a door just to get in and destroy the place.
i’m just terrified in general.
i keep reliving the moment when i came home and found everything gone. it just plays in my head over and over again. i keep asking, “why me?” i know that i must be a horrible person to have all these things keep happening to me. i must have done something. karma? past life? i don’t know, but it has to be my fault somehow.
i can’t get a full breath. i am terrified to go back to work tomorrow.
yesterday, i left to go see sandra, just after the bars were installed. i was afraid to leave, and then i was even more afraid to come home, because what if they had come back?
i keep apologizing to the animals for not providing them with a safe place to live.
java and expo are scared.
the tv helps. after i got it, and installed it and turned it on, things felt a little more normal. it was not so quiet in here, i didn’t feel so strange in my own apartment. it’s a nice tv. i couldn’t really afford it. the guy at best buy gave me a discount, because he felt bad for me, getting robbed and all. i hope i made the right decision. sandra says i did. i pray to God that they don’t come back here and take it.
she said i need the distraction right now, which i do. the landlord had bars installed on two of the windows in the back of the apartment, so at least i can leave them open to get some air and ventilation in here. the bars are on the inside of my bedroom window, and it feels like sleeping in a jail.
bars in kitchen
bars in bedroom (this is the window they came in through)
i’m terrified that the people down the street who saw me carrying the large box into the house are connected somehow to the robbery, and that they will tell the burglars that i have replaced my television, and that they will come back. i’m terrified that they will be pissed off about the bars and break a window or a door just to get in and destroy the place.
i’m just terrified in general.
i keep reliving the moment when i came home and found everything gone. it just plays in my head over and over again. i keep asking, “why me?” i know that i must be a horrible person to have all these things keep happening to me. i must have done something. karma? past life? i don’t know, but it has to be my fault somehow.
i can’t get a full breath. i am terrified to go back to work tomorrow.
yesterday, i left to go see sandra, just after the bars were installed. i was afraid to leave, and then i was even more afraid to come home, because what if they had come back?
i keep apologizing to the animals for not providing them with a safe place to live.
java and expo are scared.
the tv helps. after i got it, and installed it and turned it on, things felt a little more normal. it was not so quiet in here, i didn’t feel so strange in my own apartment. it’s a nice tv. i couldn’t really afford it. the guy at best buy gave me a discount, because he felt bad for me, getting robbed and all. i hope i made the right decision. sandra says i did. i pray to God that they don’t come back here and take it.
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