inauguration.

Monday, January 19, 2009

sandra told me that she wanted to change our appointment tomorrow so she could watch the inauguration.

the problem was, she told me three days before when i was half asleep.

i get it that she wants to see the inauguration. it’s a big deal...but it’s not like it isn’t going to be all over youtube afterwards. it’s not like they aren’t going to be replaying it over and over for the next few days. it’s not like she wouldn’t be able to see it.

it hurt my feelings that she would rather watch the inauguration than have our session.

and one of my co-workers told me that i’m too attached to sandra and that i should find another therapist. he said that there is no way that his therapist would call him or text him the way sandra calls and texts me. i told him that it was because i was and have been acutely suicidal for so long, that sandra was trying to keep me alive. that if he was in the same situation, maybe his therapist would call him too.

i asked sandra about it. she said that there was nothing wrong with our relationship. but i’m not so sure. i mean, i know i am probably way too attached to her. i depend on her way too much. i don’t know. i don’t know what to think.

and i’ve been eating so out of control. i just feel like everything is out of control. sometimes i feel so close to the end of things.