too fat. not fat enough.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
i went to a seminar tonight about bariatric surgery. it is the first thing that you have to do if you want to have any kind of bariatric surgery. i wanted to find out about the lap band surgery, however, i don't have 100 pounds to lose and my bmi is not over 35, nor do i have high blood pressure or diabetes.
so i do not meet the criteria for the surgery, i am not a candidate.
i have been trying (unsuccessfully) to diet since august 15th. i was doing nutrisystem, but i binged on my birthday, and i have been eating horribly ever since.
i'm a horrible disgusting fat cow and i cannot stand myself. and i'm never going to be able to lose this weight.
i'd be better off if i could just force myself to jump in front of a BART train.
i can't live like this. i can't be this fat. i am so uncomfortable all the fucking time. and please GOD PLEASE don't tell me to just start eating better and exercising.
for that matter, if you are going to comment at all, please don't tell me that everything is going to be alright and that it will all get better if i would only do x y or z.
it's not going to get better. and i know this to be the truth.
so i do not meet the criteria for the surgery, i am not a candidate.
i have been trying (unsuccessfully) to diet since august 15th. i was doing nutrisystem, but i binged on my birthday, and i have been eating horribly ever since.
i'm a horrible disgusting fat cow and i cannot stand myself. and i'm never going to be able to lose this weight.
i'd be better off if i could just force myself to jump in front of a BART train.
i can't live like this. i can't be this fat. i am so uncomfortable all the fucking time. and please GOD PLEASE don't tell me to just start eating better and exercising.
for that matter, if you are going to comment at all, please don't tell me that everything is going to be alright and that it will all get better if i would only do x y or z.
it's not going to get better. and i know this to be the truth.
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