confused.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
i am confused.
i don’t know if i should keep doing therapy. it’s not working. i leave feeling frustrated most of the time. but i feel inexplicably pulled toward sandra. i so badly want to be able to feel her caring. i want to be close to her and at the same time, i want to run away from her and all that she represents.
she is my lifeline, and i want to cut that lifeline...so why can’t i?
i don’t understand any of what is happening to me. all i know is that i am sinking deeper into the darkness and i don’t know if i can, or even want to get out of it.
i feel sick to my stomach and sick in my head and sick all over.
and, as i’ve said a million times before...i want to die.
i so desperately want to die.
i don’t know if i should keep doing therapy. it’s not working. i leave feeling frustrated most of the time. but i feel inexplicably pulled toward sandra. i so badly want to be able to feel her caring. i want to be close to her and at the same time, i want to run away from her and all that she represents.
she is my lifeline, and i want to cut that lifeline...so why can’t i?
i don’t understand any of what is happening to me. all i know is that i am sinking deeper into the darkness and i don’t know if i can, or even want to get out of it.
i feel sick to my stomach and sick in my head and sick all over.
and, as i’ve said a million times before...i want to die.
i so desperately want to die.
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