fucked.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

i completely lost it at work today. it started out with a bitchy customer who wanted her machine replaced even thought it was well beyond the 30 day return. i told her that we would gladly fix her computer, but she wanted a replacement. i went to management and they said to give her a new machine, to which i replied, “you’re shitting me!” which i SHOULD NOT have said. i knew i shouldn’t have said it when it came out of my mouth, but i was stressed and frankly kind of surprised that they told me to give her a new computer.

so, later in the day, i got reprimanded, and the manager told me that i said, “you’re fucking kidding me”, which is not what i said. he then went on to tell me that my attitude needed to change and that if a customer gets me that upset, that i need to find the manager and take a break, because i’ve already have several negative customer surveys since i got back and he did not want me undoing all the hard work that the team did on getting positive customer surveys while i was gone. it was what sounded like a veiled threat and i freaked out that they are going to fire me, which only made me cry. fortunately, i waited to burst into tears until after i had left the managers office. i went back later to talk to one of the managers about how it felt like i haven’t done anything right since i got back and that’s when i totally lost it, i was fucking hysterically crying...i felt like an idiot.

i just feel like i can’t do anything right. i had thought that i was doing ok with customers since i got back. i’ve been trying really hard to have a positive attitude and be friendly and nice. but apparently, i haven’t been doing as well as i thought. i know i’m going to get fired. i just know it. and i don’t know what i’ll do if that happens. i love my job. i love my co-workers. i can’t get fired, i just can’t.

i just want to fucking die.

i really should just start making plans and follow fucking through with them. nothing is going to change and nothing is going to get any better.
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