stuff.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
i know that stuff is just stuff, and that most stuff is replaceable. but i realized yesterday that some of my stuff was literally holding me together. without it, i feel completely untethered. at least before, i had my stuff, i had something to distract myself with. now, i have nothing, and my thoughts keep going more and more strongly to leaving.
one of the things or reasons that i haven’t already killed myself, was worrying about what i would do with my “stuff”. who would get what, how would they get it, etc.
but now that all the important stuff is gone, it just leaves me feeling disconnected and closer to being able to take my life. if the animals had not been so terrorized by the burglary, it would be a lot easier. but they need me so much, and i guess i need them too.
the shrink yesterday was good. he said that my depression is an atypical depression which does not respond well to flooding the brain with serotonin and norepinephrine, and that pretty much any SSRI is going to cause more harm than good. he recommended a drug called lamotrigine. it’s marketed as lamictal. it’s an anti-seizure medication also used as a mood stabilizer for people with bi-polar disorder, which i do not have. i’m leary, not sure at all. but the doctor definitely sounded like he knew what he was talking about, which the other 4 shrinks that i have seen did not.
i don’t know. i have to do some more research. i have to decide whether or not i plan to stay.
i have a lot to think about.
one of the things or reasons that i haven’t already killed myself, was worrying about what i would do with my “stuff”. who would get what, how would they get it, etc.
but now that all the important stuff is gone, it just leaves me feeling disconnected and closer to being able to take my life. if the animals had not been so terrorized by the burglary, it would be a lot easier. but they need me so much, and i guess i need them too.
the shrink yesterday was good. he said that my depression is an atypical depression which does not respond well to flooding the brain with serotonin and norepinephrine, and that pretty much any SSRI is going to cause more harm than good. he recommended a drug called lamotrigine. it’s marketed as lamictal. it’s an anti-seizure medication also used as a mood stabilizer for people with bi-polar disorder, which i do not have. i’m leary, not sure at all. but the doctor definitely sounded like he knew what he was talking about, which the other 4 shrinks that i have seen did not.
i don’t know. i have to do some more research. i have to decide whether or not i plan to stay.
i have a lot to think about.
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